i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
