Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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