Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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