My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
