just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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