my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
