Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
