apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
