Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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