I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
