dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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