i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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