I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
