What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
