Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
