if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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