I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
