i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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