I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wanna passion pit in your ass
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
