He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
