i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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