Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
