bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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