i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
