man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
