Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
