Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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