I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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