I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
