sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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