We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
