people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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