so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
