Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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