She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
