8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
