god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
