covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
