ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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