i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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