I need help removing her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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