Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
