Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
