so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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