He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
