Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
