You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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