yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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