in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
