Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
