My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
