i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she peed on how many people?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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