She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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