It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
