my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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