is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
