Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
