I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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