I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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