Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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