Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
