dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
