I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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