what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
