you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
