I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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