He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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