You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
