My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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