Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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