it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
