nut hugger
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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