you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How does it feel to date your dad?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
