doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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