did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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