He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
