ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
